Missing You

I’m letting you know I’m emotional. So if you continue, you were warned.

Today, we lost our cat, Esme…. A beautiful little calico kitten we took in a year ago the week before we left for Disney World. Esme was an incredibly shy cat and we jokingly said we counted her as a ½ cat because we rarely saw her. She bonded with our black and white kitty, Diamond, who treated her like she was hers. They laid together, bathed each other, slept together. She was sister to our sassafrass kitten, Candys, and possibly the daughter of our fixed (but maybe too late) cat Cullen (aka Big Boy). She was a good girl and will be missed.

Waking up and peering out our large picture window in horror and sadness was not my ideal way to start a morning. My eyes filled with tears seeing the precious kitty on the road and I immediately woke up David with, “Esme is dead!”

I felt so guilty, because I think, "Did I hear her meowing outside my window last night?" I can't remember. Usually she does when she wants in, as does Candys, and I often get out of bed to let one or the other in. I can't remember, but that doesn't stop the guilt.

I was prone to tears for most of the morning, had a busy afternoon and early evening and on our way home, I felt the tears well up again.





It started out because of Esme, but morphed into tears for my father.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day and while I’m so thankful for my Dad, Steve, I also am saddened as I miss my Dad, Charlie.

I think of him often, nearly every day, and I wish I could turn back those hands of time and appreciated the time I had with him more.

As I was loading up posts for Father's Day on ABC, I scheduled to post the song "In Pictures" by Alabama, which is the song my Dad said made him think of me. I couldn't listen to it today when I scheduled it. I found the video on YouTube and immediately muted. I think of coming back from telling my brother our Dad was dead and putting the song in the CD player. Tears came pouring out and my mom turned it off, as it was just too emotional for me.

I think of the last time I spoke with him, when I rushed off the phone because I had 100's of things to do. It is one of my big regrets and there is nothing I can ever do to take it back.

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ll miss a person, until they are gone. Then there is nothing you can do.

I feel I need to carry this with me, the remembering to appreciate rather than rush, and as I type this I know I have that best intention and then within a day or two, I’ll be rushing along my way and not taking the time to stop, enjoy and appreciate.

New Daily Mantra: SEA—Stop.Enjoy.Appreciate.

I can only hope I will be better at SEA-ing.

RIP Charles D. Holmes and Esme.... You are missed!