Right to Marry (Proposal Essay)

    Imagine how you would feel if it were against the law for you to marry the one you love, if you were shut out of hospital rooms for not being what hospital administrations consider family, to be denied for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) when your loved one is sick. Many Americans are struggling with these issues today and that needs to change. I propose to abolish the ban on gay marriage in the United States, and more specifically repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which federally holds marriage to being between one man and one woman.

    I recall when I was growing up that people would say there is no way in our lifetime we would have a black president. I remember thinking, "Why?" In History class, I learned the terrible prejudice the African American race went through and I hoped one day those who said we would never see a black president would be proven wrong. In 2008, Barack Obama was elected President of the United States and history was made. The ban on gay marriage can be compared to the civil rights issues prior to the 1960s. It is quite a prevalent issue of inequality.

Currently only a handful of states in the U.S.A. allow and recognize gay marriage. Gay partners who don't live in states that allow same-sex marriage face tremendous hardships and prejudice that heterosexual couples would never have to worry about. There have been numerous news reports of partners and their adopted children being kept from their loved one's bedside in their last hours of life. In the real life scenario of Karen Thompson and Sharon Kowalski, Karen was kept from Sharon for nearly four years after Ms. Kowalski was left severely injured when a drunk driver struck her car. Sharon lost the ability to walk or speak more than a few words at a time and required constant care. Ms. Thompson sought a court order for guardianship but Ms. Kowalski's parents opposed the petition and obtained sole guardianship. They used that power maliciously by forbidding all contact between the two women and moving Sharon to a facility hundreds of miles away from Karen. It was not until a reevaluation of Ms. Kowalski's mental competency that Ms. Thompson was finally able to visit her partner again. The prolonged injustice and anguish both women endured is one of the many examples of why this discrimination needs to come to an end (Stoddard).

It is unfair and unjust for any person in the United States to be denied the same rights as the person next to them, no matter their sexual orientation. America is so advanced in comparison to many other countries, so why are we living in The Stone Age when it comes to Gay Marriage? What is the hold up? The United States has an extremely high rate of divorce; approximately 50% of all first marriages end in divorce, so why should heterosexuals be making the decision on whether any person should be able to get married?

According to the American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association and National Association of Social Workers, "Gay men and lesbians form stable, committed relationships that are equivalent to heterosexual relationships in essential respects. The institution of marriage offers social, psychological, and health benefits that are denied to same-sex couples. By denying same-sex couples the right to marry, the state reinforces and perpetuates the stigma historically associated with homosexuality. Homosexuality remains stigmatized, and this stigma has negative consequences. California's prohibition on marriage for same-sex couples reflects and reinforces this stigma". They concluded: "There is no scientific basis for distinguishing between same-sex couples and heterosexual couples with respect to the legal rights, obligations, benefits, and burdens conferred by civil marriage (In Re Marriage Cases, 2007)."

 

Christians frequently quote the words of Jesus: "Judge not lest you be judged" (Luke 6:37). According to this verse, isn't God the only who can judge? So why are religious leaders up in arms in regards to this issue and turn a blind eye to the fact they are condemning others for being different? The government should bear in mind that they have voted to remove "God" from our schools, and there have been lawsuits filed to remove God from money and the pledge of allegiance. If this country is truly based on church vs. state, why are the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community and proponents for Freedom to Marry still fighting this battle? I think it is a shame that I live and love in this great country of ours and there is still so much short-sightedness. Just think less than fifty years ago, it was against the law for black people to go to school with white people, for black and white to marry. In 1967, sixteen states still had laws in place against interracial marriage until the Supreme Court ruled that such laws were unconstitutional (Cruz, Berson, 2001). It's amazing how far we as a nation have come; but how can those with the power to change this not see gender inequality is just as bad as racial inequality?

I morally struggle with the righteous that speak up against gay or same-sex marriage. I wonder how they would feel if they were told they couldn't protect their family and loved ones with an elementary right due to having a certain color of hair. New rule: "Blondes shall not be allowed to marry (other blondes)." It seems rather silly when you look at it like that, doesn't it? Gay couples are not demanding priests or pastors to marry them against their own set of values and beliefs. What they want is the opportunity to be treated just like the heterosexual couples sitting next to them in the restaurant. Doesn't every person deserve the right of freedom of choice? Shouldn't every person be able to have the exact same rights no matter the color of their hair, height, religion, race or sexual orientation? I do not look at this controversial issue of gay versus straight, instead viewing it in the eyes of what's right and wrong.

How can it change? We can start with the small things, reducing prejudice against the gay community, educating the masses, use media in a positive fashion to reflect on the plight of so many. We should also be looking at the large picture though and that is ultimately to revise the Defense of Marriage Act that was signed in by former President Bill Clinton. If the government wants to define marriage according to constitutional amendments, I propose a special task force of those in the LGBT community to be assigned by the government and an amendment to the Defense of Marriage Act be researched and prepared to be passed. I admire that five states in our nation so far have allowed gay marriage and three others recognize those unions when performed in states that currently allow it, but that's not good enough. This was made a federal issue and needs to be revised on a federal level.

I propose the special task force form education workshops in cities around the United States and create a website to which supporters can be directed. The website should disclose the newest and greatest in the initiative to abolish the ban containing clear and concise information on how to create enough support to pass the amendment to abolish the ban on the federal level. I do not feel the Defense of Marriage Act needs to be fully re-written; it would take a simple amendment prepared by those in the special task force to be signed in by the President specific to how the government defines marriage. The language in the amendment should be gender-free and non-discriminatory.

Prior to voting on the amendment it will be required for any representative casting their vote on any government level to sit with a group of gay couples who want to get married. It will be urged that each representative leave their prejudices at the door and place themselves in the couple's shoes, asking questions and engaging the couple in serious questions as to why they should have the same rights of any American. If the representative chooses to vote "No" on the amendment after meeting with the couple, he/she will be required to tell the gay couple(s) why he chose to deny them the right to marry.

    The world needs to rid itself of inequality. Perhaps it's a dreamer's dream, but every day we see instances of inequality in this world we live in. My proposal to abolish the ban on gay marriage is sound and would be a fix for the oppression the gay community faces when it comes to their rights to marry. Just as Obama was voted into the highest office in the land so shall the ban on same-sex marriage be abolished. It will happen.

Works Cited

Berson, B. C. (2001, Summer). Organization of American Historians. Retrieved April 6, 2010, from The American Melting Pot? Miscegenation Laws in the United States: http://www.oah.org/pubs/magazine/family/cruz-berson.html

In Re Marriage Cases, S147999 (Supreme Court of the State of California 09 26, 2007).

Stoddard, T. B. (n.d.). Gay Marriages: Make Them Legal. Retrieved April 2, 2010, from Miami-Dade College|Kendall, English Department: http://faculty.mc.edu/dmcguirk/ENC2106/stoddard.htm